Pleasure is a good feeling “now in the moment”. It's about experiencing subjective and objective sensations and feelings in the present moment. Pleasuring is different than foreplay; it involves giving and receiving pleasure-oriented touch that requires both partners to be actively engaged in the process and to focus on their own pleasure instead of getting one or the other partner "ready" for intercourse. Pleasuring is enjoyed and valued for itself, as well as accepted as a bridge to arousal, intercourse, and orgasm.
Engaging in pleasuring requires connecting with the sensations and feelings experienced at the moment, which requires engaging in non-demanding pleasuring. It's about engaging in giving and receiving pleasure-oriented touch, without any expectations or demands. The goal is to increase pleasure and arousal levels, but pleasuring itself is also valued for the experience it provides.
Understanding Arousal: Subjective and Objective Experiences
Arousal can be defined as "how turned on you are." Sexual arousal is experienced both subjectively and objectively. Objectively, it could mean an erect penis, swollen breasts, lubricated vagina, heart pounding, tingling, blood rushing, etc. Subjectively, it is how "turned on" you feel.
Research suggests that increasing your subjective arousal to 6 or higher before transitioning to intercourse can lead to greater sexual experiences and decreased sexual dysfunction. But how do you know if your subjective arousal is 6 or higher?
Tools to Measure Subjective Arousal: The Five Gears of Touch
A common tool used to measure subjective arousal is Barry McCarthy's Five Gears of Touch. This tool rates subjective arousal on a scale of 1 to 10 and helps individuals understand where they are on the arousal scale. The Five Gears of Touch include:
Affectionate touch (scale 0-1)
Sensual touch (scale 1 to 3)
Playful touch (scale 3 to 5)
Erotic touch (scale 6 to 7)
Intercourse (scale 7 to 10)
Although affectionate touch only moves the scale from 0-1, it is an important touch as it is the foundation upon which other gears build. The 4-5 range of subjective arousal usually leads to visible signs of arousal such as but not limited to, an erect penis, lubricated vagina, etc. Most people are not receptive/responsive to erotic stimulation until their subjective arousal is at least 5 or higher. Couples usually transition to intercourse when their subjective arousal is between 3-5, instead of building their arousal levels to 6 or higher before transitioning to intercourse.
All four gears - sensual, playful, erotic, and intercourse - are all forms of sexual expression. The ideal scenario is where touching flows from comfort to pleasure to playfulness to eroticism to intercourse to orgasm to after play without it being an expectation or demand.
To conclude, pleasure is an essential part of our human experience, and engaging in pleasure can be a powerful way to connect with our bodies and our partners. Arousal is a subjective and objective experience that can be measured using tools like the Five Gears of Touch, helping us understand where we are on the arousal scale and how to improve our sexual experiences. By focusing on pleasure and connection instead of expectations and demands, we can cultivate a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience.
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