Part Three - More Than Just a Feeling: The Science and Art of Understanding Desire

Desire is a fundamental part of human sexuality and is about feeling open to giving and receiving touch and looking forward to a sexual experience. However, desire is a complex phenomenon that can be influenced and impacted by various biological, psychological, social, cultural, and relational factors. While certain things like illness, medication side effects, anxiety, depression, and body image issues can decrease desire, engaging in pleasure-oriented activities, feeling close and connected to your partner, and having a sexual voice can enhance desire.

It's worth noting that there is no such thing as a "normal" level of desire. Everyone's level of desire is unique, and as long as it isn't causing problems in one's life or relationships, it can be considered normal. It's also essential to understand the two types of desire: spontaneous and responsive. Spontaneous desire involves responding to sexual stimuli such as a person, thought, or image and feeling open to engaging in sex. On the other hand, responsive desire is feeling open to engaging in sex only after sexy things are already happening.

Both spontaneous and responsive desire is normal, and it's crucial to know how you experience desire and create contexts and conditions that work best for you individually and as a couple. Context and conditions refer to anything that allows you to feel open to giving and receiving touch and pleasure. For example, having a clean house, having chores done, feeling positive about yourself and your partner, and not feeling tired or stressed are some contexts and conditions that can enhance desire.

To sum up, desire plays a crucial role in human sexuality, and it's natural for individuals to experience it in their own unique ways. Incorporating pleasurable activities, fostering emotional intimacy with your partner, and asserting your sexual needs can all contribute to boosting desire. Additionally, Understanding the two types of desire and creating contexts and conditions that work best for you can also help improve desire levels.