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Jasmin K Ahluwalia (she/her)

Part Five - From Fantasy to Reality: How to Embrace Your Erotic Desires

Updated: May 29, 2023


Eroticism is an essential aspect of healthy sexuality that involves taking emotional and sexual risks, embracing creativity, and developing an erotic voice. While intimacy focuses on feeling connected to your partner and secure within the relationship, eroticism emphasizes experiencing intense emotions and sensations and sharing erotic scenarios and techniques.


In this blog post, we will explore the different types of arousal patterns and what you need to know about eroticism.


There are three primary types of arousal/eroticism patterns as defined by Barry McCarthy:


Partner interaction arousal: This is the most common style used by couples, where the focus is on mutuality and giving and receiving erotic stimulation. Partner interaction arousal is more satisfying when sexual scenarios are variable, flexible, and unpredictable.


Self-entrancement arousal: This style involves taking turns giving and receiving pleasure and being present in the sensations and feelings. The focus is on being mindful and accepting the range of pleasurable and erotic feelings and sensations, making the experience better for each partner.


Role enactment arousal: This style involves using external resources to enhance erotic scenarios, such as sex toys, watching X-rated videos, playing out an erotic fantasy, or using BDSM scenarios. However, this style only works if all partners are open and receptive to role enactment scenarios and techniques.


It is important to note that erotic fantasies, videos, images, and scenarios are all about fantasy and are different from real-life sexuality. Porn videos are not reflective of real-life sex, and couples must understand that they are only a fantasy. Partners can choose which arousal style works best for them, and some might prefer one over the other, while others may engage in all styles. The essential thing is to find a style that works for everyone involved.


Integrated eroticism is crucial for healthy sexuality. It facilitates healthy sexuality and increases desire, arousal, and orgasm. To quote Barry McCarthy, "Sex without eroticism is either bland or dysfunctional. Sex without intimacy is a performance which can result in alienation." Therefore, both intimacy and eroticism are equally important for sexual desire and satisfaction. By exploring eroticism and finding a style that works for you and your partner, you can enhance your sexual experiences and foster a healthy sexual relationship.


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