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Jasmin K Ahluwalia (she/her)

Part Two - From "Meh" to "Ooh La La": How the Definition of Sex Can Transform Your Lovemaking

Updated: May 29, 2023


Sex is a natural human desire, and it's an essential part of our lives. It's a physical, emotional, and mental experience that can bring pleasure, intimacy, and connection to ourselves and our partners. As a sex therapist, I believe that defining sex as being about desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction can lead to good sex.


Desire is the starting point of sex. It's the inner feeling of wanting to connect with another person physically, emotionally, and sexually. Desire can be spontaneous, or it can be sparked by external stimuli, such as touch, sight, or smell. It's a crucial aspect of sexual expression, and it's important to understand and honor our desires as they can change over time.


Pleasure is the reward we receive from engaging in sexual activity. It's the physical and emotional sensation that can range from mild to intense. Pleasure can be experienced in many forms, such as touch, kissing, oral sex, and intercourse. It's important to understand that pleasure is subjective, and what feels pleasurable to one person may not feel the same way to another. Communicating our desires and boundaries with our partners can help ensure that both parties experience pleasure during sexual activity.


Eroticism is the exploration of sexual desire and pleasure. It's the aspect of sex that includes fantasy, role-playing, and experimentation. Erotic play can be a fun and exciting way to explore new aspects of our sexuality and build intimacy with our partners. It's essential to understand that eroticism is a personal experience, and what is erotic to one person may not be erotic to another.


Satisfaction is the final goal of sexual activity. It's the feeling of fulfillment that we receive when our desires are met, and we experience pleasure and intimacy with our partners. Satisfaction can be achieved in many ways, such as orgasm, emotional connection, and a sense of closeness. It's essential to remember that satisfaction is not always achieved through orgasm and that sexual activity can still be satisfying without reaching this goal.


In summary, sex is about desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction. As a sex therapist, I encourage individuals and couples to explore these aspects of their sexuality to build stronger connections with themselves and their partners. Understanding and communicating our desires, boundaries, and expectations can lead to a more fulfilling and pleasurable sex life. Let's break away from the shame and guilt that society has imposed on sexual expression and embrace our sexuality as a natural and beautiful part of being human.


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